The Union Tour - 28/09/10 Edinburgh Cabaret Voltaire - Part 1

I like Edinburgh. It made an impression on me the first time I ever went, on one the Thunder tours. It's an imposing city, with big stone buildings and inclines.

On a smaller scale, the load-in for the Cabaret Voltaire is the same. Apparently it is the largest door step in Edinburgh. We know this because as the door is opened for us to do the load-in, a strange wench appears with about 10 people in tow and leads people up over the step, pronounces "this is the largest door step in Edinburgh" and they all troop off into the venue. No-one says anything. They disappear. And still, no-one says anything. It's weird, but obviously not that weird round these parts. It's only when I see next door is an office for Walking Tours that it becomes clear what just happened. Still, would have been nice if they had at least taken a case or two in with them.

The load in street is so narrow that parking adjacent to the venue is impossible, and even with Mark's clever angling, cars trying to pass start to panic and get it all wrong (wouldn't last five minutes in London - get a bus through there, love), and so we have to reverse it a way up the street and carry everything down the road a short distance, and over the GIANT doorstep.

The Cabaret Voltaire is a cool place, all brick vaulted ceilings and low lighting. It is tiny. And er .. the stage is tiny. Even with the extensions that the crew put up around the stage, it is still tiny. This is going to be a cosy one.

Marvellously, the merch stand proffered is the best seat in the house, slap bang behind the sound desk, raised up with a stonking view of the stage. Not so marvellously, yet again there is going to be a club night straight afterwards. I see the size of the sound system waiting to be BUILT after the show. It's gonna be LOUD. My ears are going to be broken. I will have to count T-shirts mega quick and just get out afterwards.

And talking of broken, the boxes for the T-shirts are looking pretty shabby already. We have already had a near disaster with the boxes of CD's and I have taken to only bringing in the essential boxes so they don't wear out too quickly! The decision is taken to decant everything into some plastic boxes, which annoyingly, I chose not to buy yesterday on my shopping trip. (ooh - maybe Edinburgh sells clip on spotlights!)

I head off to the shopping centre a mile away, only to get a phone call from Luke telling me there is a Poundstretcher literally round the corner from the venue. Grrr. But yay, they have boxes galore. And no spotlights. I disappointedly buy pegs for my new merchandise washing line to compensate.

T-shirts and CDs safely ensconced in new storage, which I also fashion into tables, this time, I remember to eat. OK, more sandwiches, but I'm so used to them now, it just seems the done thing.

The venue fills up quite quickly, thankfully, for first band on, The Amorettes, who have to be mentioned because they were excellent. They are a 3-piece all-girl band who sound like The Runaways meets early Motley Crue. They go down really well and soon sell out of the measly 6 CD's they bring with them. Me and Dave take a shine to Hannah, the drummer, but sadly the girls have to run off and catch their train so miss out on post-gig beers.

The boys as usual are excellent, and having such a fantastic view, it's a shame I don't have a better camera. Annoyingly, as with most of the venues on this tour, there is no phone signal, so I can't even tweet pics.

And as usual, it's raining for the get out. Sigh. and it might as well be thundering as the sound coming from the sound system is actually ear-splitting. It's mental at the club night, so I abandon counting and make a run for it.

The hotel is once again a Travelodge, in what appears to have once been a big old townhouse. In fact it is so cleverly disguised that we drive past it a few times before we notice a tiny Travelodge sign. The bar is also so cleverly disguised that it doesn't exist, and we end up in Mark and Chris's room which appears to be the size of a small playing field.

As we shout at each other from across the room, Mark announces that he wants a bath, only to find that there is no plug. Now Mark and I are the people that forget to eat. I feel like we are a team - the team that 'stay at the venue while the band go out gallivanting with VIPs'. I feel generous. I also feel a bit pissed and mellow, so volunteer to see if I can 'borrow' ours. Trekking down 2 flights of stairs, the bath plug proves to be a cinch and feeling quite chuffed I make it back upstairs and install it in the bath. Voila!

Mark then asks if anyone has any bubble bath. Er .... I do. Er ... downstairs. Sigh. I feel generous. I also feel a bit pissed and mellow. So down I go again to fetch the hotel sample I nicked from a South of France hotel. Posh stuff. That smells nice. That I was saving.

I feel generous. I also feel a bit pissed and mellow. So not only have I done a bit of bath plug DIY, and donated my albeit free, but coveted bath stuff, but I also RUN THE BATH. I have no idea what I was thinking, but I even went so far as to make sure there were bubbles.

Mark has a bath while we all carry on drinking.

Mark emerges from the bathroom.

And promptly complains that the bubble bath wasn't bubbly enough. (though agreed that it smelled nice) There's gratitude for you! :)

We are not done with Edinburgh yet, but that's for tomorrow ...

The Union Tour - 28/09/10 Edinburgh Cabaret Voltaire Part 2

It's not really much of a part 2, but it does need to be said. It's a late checkout thankfully, as like most nights, I don't get to bed before 3am. (It takes time to wind down after a gig, you know. Yes, I know it wasn't technically MY gig, but that's not the point!)

We are leaving the hotel at 12, and I was a bit tardy with the getting up business (I'm not drinking red wine again, I've decided) so clothes are everywhere while I pack, straighten my hair, all the usual things.

As is usual in these big townhouses, the radiators gurgle as they come on. I particularly like the fact that they are coming on in the morning, a long time after most people have got up, when it was pretty cold last night, and this is a hotel. Still, on they come.

And then ... there is another noise.

Is that a fizzing noise? What IS that?

More gurgling.

And then ... another fizzing noise.

I investigate.

"Er ... Fiona, we appear to have sprung a leak."

Oh yes, and not just one leak, but two. From the top two valves of the radiator are 2 steady, if tiny, streams of water. The carpet is already soaked, as obviously it took time for us to notice the leak. I am not dressed, so run around grabbing clothes while Fiona grabs her water bottle and tries to catch the leak. Thenkfull the water isn't really hot, but warm, and the leak has obviously happened as the radiators started to warm up. The water bottle is already filling alarmingly and the opening is too small to catch both streams of water, as they go in opposite directions.

I grab the kettle. Success. Fiona manoeuvres the kettle to catch both streams expertly in the kettle spout.

I finish getting dressed, and make to go downstairs to find someone. I think I can hear one of the maids outside, fantastic.

Just as I am about to go in search of said maid, Fiona informs me that the kettle is filling up. Some clever swappage of kettle to bottle takes place, so that I can then empty the kettle, then swap it back and THEN go and find the maid.

The maid, quite rightly panics, albeit in a sort of calm Eastern European way. She gives us a small bucket to catch the leak while she goes to find a solution. Fantastic, this will be much easier. Er ...

Fiona informs me that the bucket itself has now sprung a leak. This is just too much and after quickly swapping the kettle back, Fiona and I are unable to talk, for laughing. I then decide to film this escapade as it is just one of those things I will wish I had done, if I don't.

The maid returns with a radiator key and swiftly locks both valves. Fiona and I are still unable to really speak, as we explain to the maid about her cracked bucket. She apologises profusely, and I think looks at us suspiciously as we are still giggling.

I'm still giggling now.

And we STILL made the 12 o'clock set off!

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A little extra, 'specially for a wee Scottish laddie ...

The Union Tour - 27/09/10 Manchester Ruby Lounge

It's not a long drive from Sheffield to Manchester, not long at all in fact. But it's long enough for us to watch the alternative ending to Paranormal Activity. You would think, after seeing the film the first time, that this would not be a particularly scary thing - surely we know what's coming? Ooooh no. No no no. For some reason, though  original ending is by far the best, the anticipation of this ending, and what might happen is twice as bad. Again, I won't spoil it if you haven't seen it, but it's just as disturbing. I seem to remember we even watched the alternative ending with all the curtains drawn, bunch of wusses that we are!

And so the trip to Manchester Ruby Lounge SHOULD be simple. And it probably would have been if pretty much the whole of Manchester City Centre hadn't turned into a film set. And a MASSIVE film set at that. If anyone knows what was being filmed we would love to know. I think it was some period thing as I spotted a few classic cars - 40s era I think. We know from the satnav WHERE the venue is, but getting there is another matter.

Frazzled, and late, but finally there, we are welcomed with a round of tea and coffees. I could get used to THIS! When I discover that the merch is to be positioned in what appears to be its own lounge area, complete with a squishy leather sofas, a chandelier and statement wallpaper I start mentally moving in. However, putting Union T-shirts on said wallpaper could be quite distracting - plus as it's freshers week we have yet another club starting after the gig. (Hmmm - may need lights). Thankfully, as we are slap bang in the centre of Manchester, it's a short trot across the road to the Arndale Centre.

Now, when I first moved down to London, it seemed every 'house' shop worth its salt sold cheap as chips clip on spotlights. Oh, no now - people must have moved on to LED posh spotlights, or Halogen IKEA jobbies. There is nothing resembling a clip-on spotlight of any size, shape or form to be had ANYWHERE in the Arndale Centre. However, I spot a washing line which just might be the other solution for the T-shirts. This decision proves to be one of the best on the tour, and the washing line proves a hit for pretty much each venue! Much easier than trying to pin T-shirts on walls or gaffa tape them on. This merch lark is an art form I'll have you know!

The merch lounge!

My return to 'my merchandise lounge' is also met by an old acquaintance - Jamie from Mexicolas, who I met when he was in Lucan and supporting Thunder. I just have to point out  - he makes excellent tea. His band, and The Crave who are also supporting tonight are both corking, and it is a fantastic line-up tonight.

Once again I nearly forget to eat  and have to have a hasty 'Union picnic'. This consists of grabbing a sandwich while the band are on, under the impression that everyone will be watching the band instead of me. I can't see the band from where I am, in my comfy snug lounge. You can't have everything I suppose. I then amuse myself by drumming along to Dave. I know all the songs now so am quite lost in my drumming and enjoying myself immensely. It's only afterwards that someone says they nearly filmed me (a sure fire YouTube classic, god forbid) that I realise I am not actually invisible. I sit on my hands from now on!

After the gig we are all a bit jaded, not helped by the firmly shut hotel bar on our return. It's not the nicest of hotels, so we all agree on *gasp* an early night, as we have a long drive tomorrow to Edinburgh.

It's also at this point I start feeling a bit rough. Oh-oh, not a tour cold .. no please. I know it's coming, as I don't even want a last cup of tea. Definitely ill. This is not good. I have some singing coming up .... :(

The Union Tour - 26/09/10 Sheffield O2 Academy

Thankfully there is no hangover. There are also no petrol station sandwiches, as it's only a short drive to the gig. Of course, stupidly, this means I forget to eat again. Which is a bit stupid seeing as the get in for the Academy is laughable and a bit like the Krypton Factor Assault Course. It's one of those, up a ramp, 2 steps, a short walk, another couple of steps, another bit of concrete, up some steps into the venue and ... stick to the carpet. I've been in some clubs and pubs, but this is THE stickiest carpet (puts on Jeremy Clarkson voice) ... in the world.

It's also one of the weirdest trips to the dressing room - like something out of Spinal Tap - or some low budget horror film. The guys get moved to the larger dressing rooms in the venue downstairs, which strangely you can see from the Academy 2. Don't know why it's weird, but it just is, particularly since The Union just seem like they are squeezed onto stages the size of the Academy 2 - and should naturally be playing stages the size of the Academy, if not larger ...

The merch stand is in the venue this time, so I have lovely view of the stage, (and get to take my first pictures, and tweet my first tweets during the sho.) however it is at this point I realise I am way too much of a perfectionist and spend WAY too long finding ways to make the merch look pretty. Thankfully, lovely Sue Moffat, wife of Marty, the camera genius brings new printed prices to jazz up the display. Marvellous. And, because I am a total nerd, I take yet another picture of the stand. Why, I have no idea, it doesn't look super duper but it makes me happy! (doesn't take a lot!)

Nerdsville, Sheffield - note snazzy new signs a lá Moffat!

Outside the gig are two massive tour buses, who appear to be just waiting. With the amount of gear they must have, I have some smugness when our get out is done. Yeah, it's a bitch, but it's a relatively small gear load. Plus the procurement of what looks a bit like a bread trolley really helps with all the amps and cabs, once we have unstuck ourselves from the carpet.

We also say goodbye to the lovely Whybirds who have supported for the last 3 gigs.

"Saviour"

In the van on the way back, we decide that the alternative ending of Paranormal Activity needs to be watched tomorrow. More on that later ...

Thankfully, the hotel does have a bar and it opens for us .... *the rest of this blog has been removed due to the over 2 glasses of wine limit* :D

The Union Tour - Sheffield Day off

There is no Leicester; for those of you who don't know, I'm in a band called 50ft Woman, and had to play a gig at the London Tattoo Convention on the Friday. It was fun, but strangely well behaved and not very rock n' roll considering it was at a Tattoo Convention.

Welcome to Sheffield

Luke suggested I come straight back to join everyone in Sheffield on the day off, as the plan is to go out for dinner. So, of course, I do! Sheffield has to have one of the best exits (or entrances to the city) from a train station ever. A fantastic silver ribbon of a waterfall, which I found quite mesmerising! A view that I should have made the most of, as on arrival at the hotel, this was what I was greeted with. Fiona had said the hotel was at the stadium. What I hadn't realised was quite HOW close :) Mind you, I'm not complaining - this is luxury and we have two nights of it!

Wonderful view!

Dinner is at the El Paso, a fantastic curiosity of a restaurant that proclaims itself to be Mexican/Italian. I celebrate it's schizophrenic nature by having Funghi Ripieni for starter with Fajitas for main course. All washed down by wine, which silly me, forgot to check where it was from (probably New Zealand!). Food and service is excellent.

Chris is delighted to find Desperado beer, and a photo is duly taken and uploaded to the Ultimate Eagles Facebook site. Desperado beer is another strange one, beer with tequila - yes, tequila laced beer. We drink the El Paso dry of Desperado. I don't remember much after that ... :)

And a good time was had by all ... 

The Union Tour - 23/09/10 Northampton Roadmender

It’s raining, it’s cold but we are on our way to Northampton. Luke and Mark are in the front, and me, Chris, Dave, Pete and Fiona are in the back. We decide to watch a film. A film that will pretty much set the course for the whole rest of the tour. Luke insists we watch it. The film is: Paranormal Activity.

I don’t really do horror films. But onwards we go, pulling closed the curtains and making a makeshift cover for the stupid skylight that means you can’t see anything on the flipdown plasma screen. As Pete and I discover, this actually doesn’t help, and we spend most of the film either leaning backwards at a funny angle, or, in the dark bits, leaning so far forward we look like dogs looking under a garden gate. Needless to say, we got cricks in our necks, but the stomach muscles got a good workout.

For those of you who have never seen Paranormal Activity, I won’t spoil it. BUT, it IS disturbing. We do indeed end up screaming at bits (part of the fun), AND talking about it afterwards, A LOT.

It’s on this journey that the scene is set for the tour diet, which you may have already read about on The Union blog, particularly Pete’s guide to tour food. As a sort of veggie, choice in petrol stations is even less than a normal eater. At this point, I also hadn’t realised that once I get to the venue and get set up, the chances of slipping off to eat something properly are practically nil. Mark and I, staying in the venue while the band go off to eat and entertain VIP guests, have to remind each other to actually eat. Usually the choice we have is ... more sandwiches from the dressing room. I also then take to buying a stash of stuff in the morning for later .. but more of that later too :)

Roadmender is a cool venue, with a bar area paved with flagstones. Unfortunately the merch stand gets moved away from the ‘flow of traffic’, due to a club starting immediately afterwards. One of the guys there is a lifesaver and lends me a proper merchandise board, so my life is easy, or so I think.

The first stand!

I’m sad I can’t see the band, after all it will be my first full -length set. But I work out if I stand at an angle where I can see the merch stand AND just see through the venue doors, I can see the stage. Marvellous. This technique proves very useful at a few of the venues on the tour, and is then one of the first points of reference I seek out on arrival! Where’s the merch .. where’s the viewing point? :)

The venue told me that a club was starting soon after the band finish. What I hadn’t banked on was the area I was in being plunged into darkness IMMEDIATELY the band finish, and dance music blaring out of the speakers directly to my left. Hmmm. I hadn’t banked on that. I also hadn’t banked on having to count about 200 T-shirts in the pitch black.

It’s also at this point that I find out how truly lovely the band are (not trying to ruin their rock n roll cred, but it IS true) - Pete comes over and asks if I’m OK, then fetches me a drink, and Dave comes over to check too.

Surrounded by leggy young lovelies dancing (one turns to me mid-dance and asks ‘what is all this?’. I explain that it’s the merchandise from the band that just plays. Without missing a beat she says ‘oh’ and immediately turns and continues her dancing.) I manage to get all the merchandise out. Quelle surprise, it’s raining again.

We then discover the joys of the Travelodge. With no bar. Enough said.

It’s ALSO at this point that Fiona and I discover there is only one bed. And a small double at that. Thankfully we have been friends for many a year and shared numerous hotel rooms together, so we just make do. It’s only the next day we find out that the sofa in the room is ‘the other bed’. Sigh.

Spot the spelling mistake!

The Union Tour - 22/09/10 Gibson Theatre

I ’ve included this as it seems like a good start! Giving out water and beer to competition winners and finally getting to see The Union (shame on me for not doing it before), what could be better? Well, giving out drinks may seem a simple thing to do, however, due to my OCD, each water bottle proffered and accepted had to be replaced immediately so as not to upset the pyramid effect carefully sculpted upon the table. And giving away free beer is not as easy as it sounds – most times it was met with slight suspicion at the word ‘free’ :)

I have never had hand-freeze before. Filling a dustbin with ice and then Fosters is great, but not when you are trying to keep a steady supply of ‘coldies’. Fingernails were long forgotten as I dug deeper and deeper to ensure a rotation system would occur. And after the ice all melted in what was, really quite a toasty room, the hand freeze at delving in for the last few cans was actually an experience I don’t really want to repeat! God knows how the Swedes go from Sauna to ice lake. Intense and immediate shrivelling MUST occur, surely?

I was impressed with the boys (they became ‘the boys’ the minute I agreed to go on tour with them. It’s a thing that happens, just like I have ‘my boys’ ie: the guys in 50ft Woman, and ‘the boys’ from The Union). I’m not surprised I was impressed, in fact I was ashamed I hadn’t bullied Luke before to go to the earlier gigs. Having met Pete a couple of times previously, Chris (through Thunder obviously) and Mark (tour manager, also through Thunder) it was a lot of hellos, plus a new hello to Dave, the new drummer.

It was a this point I realised that I would not be able to stand and watch the load out, without helping, something which then became a regular thing. I also recommend it for on-tour fitness. Trying to help to take out the gear when it is well and truly pissing down outside makes for a rather brisk 20-minute work out. More explanations of the Lynne/Minki workout strategy to come.

(at this point I feel I should explain the Lynne/Minki thing. No, I’m not schizo, well only on Tuesdays and Thursdays – but the boys know me as Lynne, from the days working with Thunder, whereas ‘my boys’ know me as Minki, as that’s my pseudonym with 50ft Woman. As I was technically both on tour I did feel like I was wearing 2 hats at once, but as this is primarily about The Union, I shall remain Lynne :) )